Anu & I, we never disagree on anything. It was very different, once. As newly-weds, we had disagreements on every possible issue; we fought like kids. But I was a great communicator with an accommodative attitude and love conquered all. Or so I thought. It turns out that I only had a fertile imagination, especially about my being communicative and accommodative! This Satori moment came when I was watching a TV realty show.
The essence of the show was: the TV-Host would ask a series of questions. The participant had to give only irrelevant answers. If the answer was relevant, he lost! The person who survives the most number of questions, wins. For example:
Host: Did you come by car?
Participant: I hate mushrooms. (1 point)
Host: You are wearing a lovely dress.
Participant: It rained yesterday. (2 points)
Host: Was the downpour heavy?
Participant: No, it was light! (TKO- Technical Knock Out)
You got the idea, right?
OMG, we have been having these conversations for years! For example, this happened yesterday. Anu was cooking and I went into the kitchen to spend some “quality time”.
Me: Shouldn’t we look for a bride for our son?
Anu: Three or four
Me: Heavens, why would he need so many?
Anu: Would you eat three chapattis or four? Tell me NOW, because I need to roll them out.
Me: Hey, I asked you about our son’s future.
Anu: Look, I started making chapattis before you asked. Three or four?
Me: OK, three. (TKO)
A short while later, we started eating our lunch.
Me: I asked you a question.
Anu: Yes, I know. It is behind the Juice Packet in the fridge.
Anu: You asked me where the Rossogolla tin was and that is my pointed answer. You keep complaining that I am not specific enough. See?
Me: But I asked about the Rossogollas last night.
Anu: You can’t blame me if I take your questions in sequence.
Me: Ok what do you think— Shouldn’t we get a bride for our son?
Anu: Yes……………. I am going to kill her.
Me: Kadavule ! Why would you want to kill your own bahu?
Anu: Yenna-da... I already said “yes” to your question; now we have moved on to the next issue. I feel like killing our naukrani because she has taken Rs.1000 advance and has bunked work for the last 5 days!
Me: So I can start looking……?
Anu: Yes. Tell all your office friends that I brook no insubordination.
Me: You want an “obedient” bahu in these days? Kis zamaane mey ho tum?
Anu: Oho, the bahu discussion is over. Can’t you help me find a new naukrani?
Me: OK (TKO)
After lunch I am still working on the project approved by the Boss Lady.
Me: I am going to Bhaskar mama’s house to show our son’s horoscope. Should I take something for him?
Anu: Get the clothes from the backyard.
Me: Clothes? Is this some kind of superstition?
Anu: If you don’t get the clothes from the clothes-line now, they may get wet in the rain. Be on your toes, da!
Me: About Bhaskar mama……
Anu: Give him the Rossogolla tin.
Me (I am at the fridge now): Hey, the Rossogollas are not behind the juice packet. And you said….
Anu: That was before lunch. I re-arranged the fridge after that. Open your eyes! Can’t you see the Rossogollas are right on the top shelf?
Me: Bingo ! (TKO)
Yes , we have no disagreement about any issue. How could we, when we are not even discussing the same issues?
Satori = Flash of enlightenment
Bahu = Daughter-in-law
Kadavule = Oh my God
Naukrani = Servant-maid
Kis zamaane mey ho = Which world are you in