I NEVER DISAGREE WITH MY WIFE…

Anu & I, we never disagree on anything. It was very different, once. As newly-weds, we had disagreements on every possible issue; we fought like kids. But I was a great communicator with an accommodative attitude and love conquered all. Or so I thought. It turns out that I only had a fertile imagination, especially about my being communicative and accommodative! This Satori moment came when I was watching a TV realty show.

The essence of the show was: the TV-Host would ask a series of questions. The participant had to give only irrelevant answers. If the answer was relevant, he lost! The person who survives the most number of questions, wins. For example:
Host: Did you come by car?
Participant: I hate mushrooms. (1 point)
Host: You are wearing a lovely dress.
Participant: It rained yesterday. (2 points)
Host: Was the downpour heavy?
Participant: No, it was light! (TKO- Technical Knock Out)

You got the idea, right?

marriage

 OMG, we have been having these conversations for years! For example, this happened yesterday. Anu was cooking and I went into the kitchen to spend some “quality time”.
Me: Shouldn’t we look for a bride for our son?
Anu: Three or four
Me: Heavens, why would he need so many?
Anu: Would you eat three chapattis or four? Tell me NOW, because I need to roll them out.
Me: Hey, I asked you about our son’s future.
Anu: Look, I started making chapattis before you asked. Three or four?
Me: OK, three. (TKO)

A short while later, we started eating our lunch.

Me: I asked you a question.
Anu: Yes, I know. It is behind the Juice Packet in the fridge.
Me: Huh?
Anu: You asked me where the Rossogolla tin was and that is my pointed answer. You keep complaining that I am not specific enough. See?
Me: But I asked about the Rossogollas last night.
Anu: You can’t blame me if I take your questions in sequence.
Me: Ok what do you think— Shouldn’t we get a bride for our son?
Anu: Yes……………. I am going to kill her.
Me: Kadavule ! Why would you want to kill your own bahu?
Anu: Yenna-da... I already said “yes” to your question; now we have moved on to the next issue. I feel like killing our naukrani because she has taken Rs.1000 advance and has bunked work for the last 5 days!
Me: So I can start looking……?
Anu: Yes. Tell all your office friends that I brook no insubordination.
Me: You want an “obedient” bahu in these days? Kis zamaane mey ho tum?
Anu: Oho, the bahu discussion is over. Can’t you help me find a new naukrani?
Me: OK (TKO)

After lunch I am still working on the project approved by the Boss Lady.

Me: I am going to Bhaskar mama’s house to show our son’s horoscope. Should I take something for him?
Anu: Get the clothes from the backyard.
Me: Clothes? Is this some kind of superstition?
Anu: If you don’t get the clothes from the clothes-line now, they may get wet in the rain. Be on your toes, da!
Me: About Bhaskar mama……
Anu: Give him the Rossogolla tin.
Me (I am at the fridge now): Hey, the Rossogollas are not behind the juice packet. And you said….
Anu: That was before lunch. I re-arranged the fridge after that. Open your eyes! Can’t you see the Rossogollas are right on the top shelf?
Me: Bingo ! (TKO)
Yes , we have no disagreement about any issue. How could we, when we are not even discussing the same issues?

Glossary

Satori = Flash of enlightenment

Bahu = Daughter-in-law

Kadavule = Oh my God

Naukrani = Servant-maid

Kis zamaane mey ho = Which world are you in

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3 thoughts on “I NEVER DISAGREE WITH MY WIFE…

  1. Ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha haha ha haha ha haha ha haha ha haha ha ha 🙂

    And… this reminds me of Akka Paati and Ambi Mama. There were most often one of two scenarios.

    1. They would both be talking of different things and arguing

    OR

    2. They would be saying EXACTLY the same thing, but think that they were disagreeing! It would suddenly dawn on both that they were actually saying the same thing… and the argument would end up with both saying – Addaane naan sonnen 😀

    Do you think you guys can beat that 2nd option? 🙂

  2. Superb, Kaushik! It was like you speaking…..and narrating what is happening to me daily, for years! So nice that I belong to the comfortable mass of the majority (assumption: everywhere it is the same)

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